The film begins with footage from The Twilight Zone,
depicting a typical Midwestern town at the turn of the decade, peaceful, idyllic, lots of dead trees (assuming that this takes place in fall), people playing in parks and churches, but soon with dire warnings from a disembodied narrator. "There are towns like this town of Oakdale all across America." You don't say. "Thousands of communities of decent, hard-working citizens, who go about their activities apparently unconcerned and unworried." They should, Castro and the Beatles are just around the corner. Then, a newspaper headline. "Cases Here Spotlight Need of Venereal Disease Check." The Oakdale evening newspaper is reporting cases of syphilis, amongst teens in the community. Also, very odd to see newspapers on every doorstep in town, like watching Seinfeld and wondering why they don't have cell phones. Well youngsters, we didn't have cell phones back then. Hell, didn't have a home computer until I was in fourth grade or so. Now I'm depressed. Anyway, back to the film. Stopping at one house, we see a teen girl go out and get the newspaper (very New Wave), and the narrator goes on. "Remember the girl who lives here, her name is Lynne Corwin, we will see her again, as we attempt to understand and learn, whatever is to be learned, of this report on Oakdale." Think you pretty much explained it already. Then it cuts to the office of the Oakdale Health Department (helpfully printed on the glass, is it so small they just sublet an office?), where two middle-aged men (who couldn't dress more like the 50s if you gave them an "I like Ike" button), Dr. Adam Jameson and Dr Ralph DeForest are looking at the same article, and then cuts back to Edward Grover (who looks like an angry Dave Brubeck with male pattern baldness and a pencil mustache), who as the narrator tells us, "has a son named Hal, a son who also figures into this report." He's sitting in his 50s Midwestern living room, who is complaining to his wife (who appears to be ignoring him, like he does this every night, apparently) about the VD story and the newspaper becoming sensationalizing under the owner. He even says that "this VD thing is licked, syphilis can be cured in no time, yet he publishes this scare stuff like an incurable plague was on us. Like every kind in town is involved. Well my son isn't." And that's what they call on TV Tropes (which is really annoying but addictive) "Tempting Fate."
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| Lynn Corwin, wondering how Hal could be so bad at it. |
Then a smash cut to two teens kissing in a car with a scary horn section, and the titles as male teen lets female teen out of the car. They reach the front porch, and we see that it is Lynne, wearing a dress and pearl necklace (no comment), after a date with Hal, who has a face that's sort of handsome, sort of "craggy in five years." Like one of those guys they would have in B-Movies in the late 60s, such as Girl in Gold Boots, or one of the Everly brothers with John Kerry's chin. Lynne asks if she'll see him again tomorrow, but he walks off the porch into darkness (symbolism!), saying no, "some of the fellows are going to the drag races over the weekend", but promises to call her when he gets back. Kiss, then he leaves, and Lynne looks concerned through the screen door as the orchestra section suddenly becomes the score of a George Cukor film, dramatic rising and such(incidentally, not unlike what happened earlier, as we find out). Lynne goes inside, and puts her hand over her face in shame. I'm guessing Hal lasted only 20 seconds, it happens. The her mother calls, who fell asleep waiting for her. Their house, by the way, looks like photos of my grandparent's house in the late 70s. And Lynne is apparently wearing a black dress, because that was a thing back then. The mom asks if everything went alright, and Lynn (Lynne?) is positive. "Oh perfect, I still can't believe it. Mom, he took me to the country club." But they got kicked out for talking to the black waiters. "Imagine me, dancing at the country club with Hal Grover." Aim high, sister. Then she gets up and sits down on the couch, telling Mom that "I, I wish you could have been there, Mom, they even had a combo." Which probably was better than having to learn the ones in Netherrealm games. Then she looks down for a second, and with some voice wavering, "Thanks Mom, thanks for making me this dress. I know you should have spent the time sewing for your customers, (pause) but the dress was exactly right, I didn't feel a bit out of place!" Mom talks about how Hal's mother suggested it, and Lynne quite rapidly says "I I know Hall was impressed, and I think that's why he took me to the country club, (breath) he wanted to show me off, (breath pause) he liked me, mother, I just know he liked me a lot!" Then looks away. Yeah, they did it. And Mom says "What the dress cost was worth it." Then irony trumpets. And the narrator comes back: : "Unfortunately, the cost of the dress has not been calculated. A price that Lynne Corwin will pay must be a high one. The dress, like many other things in today's world, is part of an enormous subtle pressure which our times put upon young people."
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| Yes, we must protect our children form the onslaught of January Jones! |
"Evidence of the pressure is plentiful almost anywhere you go", evidence of the worship of sex appeal, as if it were a vital essence of personality." Wait until this guy finds out about Dan Savage. All this as we get a montage of brassiere ads, book racks with titles like Peyton Place, men's adventure magazines, posters of Brigitte Bardot (before she became a xenophobe), magazines like Glamour and Seventeen pulp novels, as the drums from a lost Disneyland jungle show beat. Lots of closeups of illustrations and photos of people kissing, too. Although, back then they that got you pregnant. Then a couple making out in a car, with Narrator saying "who is to blame if young people respond to this pressure?" I don't know, George Putnam blamed the commies (but that's another film). And more narration: "Who is to blame if they respond to what an anxiety-ridden world seems to be telling them?" I'm guessing he'd say probably themselves for being sinners. Then, we get some lousy surf rock of a song called "Dance Little Children"(meaning!), while a bunch of teens dance stiffer than corpses and make out with each other. Pretty sure one guy is just standing in place, moving his arm back and forth slightly. The narrator goes on about the lyrics being suggestive, but frankly it's more interesting to guess which Mad Men character everyone looks like. And a lot of close-ups of shaking butts (this is like watching Pat Boone directing the video for "Anaconda.") Narrator goes on with regards to the song or something: "Faster, faster, faster, faster, live while you may." Nothing suggestive there.
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| Oh, you can sense the raw sensuality in the air. |
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| And another Netflix true crime documentary is born. |
We next see Hal and his friends in what I'm assuming is a flashback to a previous weekend, otherwise the timeline for the rest of the film makes no sense. They're speeding around in a beautiful cherry red car, vintage with the fins and such, wish I could ID it. "And a part of the frenzy to experience, to learn about everything, takes Hal Grover and his friends to another part of the state." My god, the horror! They go watch drag races that we never see, then drive around downtown of some place, as Mr. Narrator continues on: "But drag racing is not the only amusement a city has to offer." Nonsense, they can piss off a bridge onto the rail tracks, and they pass a store advertising Motorola TVs. But noooooooooooooooooo. They just have to make a u-turn to pick up some young woman (we never learn her name, actually pretty standard back then) in pants full of squares, like a dining room tablecloth. and for some reason she decides to get into the car with them. Clearly they didn't show stranger danger films in Topeka. It cuts to a motel at night, which is air-conditioned WITH TV and phones! Obviously a place for the whole family. Hal's friends are sitting in the car, smoking and bored. Not sure i blame them, the whole film seems to suggest the only things to pass the time in the Midwest are watch drag races and have sex with random floozies after dancing stiffer than a tree. "How much longer are they gonna be? You'd think Hal could find another place besides our room. Man I'm tired, I want to go to bed." "Hal and these women." Then finally the two emerge, Hal and the woman even hugging while kissing. He's showing more affection than to Lynne. She walks away, one guys asks "Well, you didn't have to take her back to where you found her?" Hal responds "Ah, she doesn't need a car. besides, she has to go home alone, her parents are the strict kind, they don't allow her to go out with boys." The three break out laughing, and the driver suggests she tell them about meeting a new girlfriend, whose name is unintelligible since he's missing his front teeth, but and they laugh again. And thus Mark Judge's career begins as she walks off to the surf music. (Actually, maybe the three then went in for a threesome, with Hal as "Lucky Pierre.")
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| I did it, MY WAAAAAYYYYY. |
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| Dr Sam talks to himself while contemplating his eyebrows |
And now back to the reedy guys at the health department, talking about 13 cases of primary syphilis. Jameson says he's been out of medical school 15 years (when he looks to be out 30 years), only having seen a handful of cases since. "It looks like a real outbreak." DeForest, the health head, something or other, notes that the doctor reports from over town are all of patients "12 to 19 years old." Not sure I want to dig deeper into that. "What's more, it's too big for a health department this size to handle on our own." They need, Big Jim Slade! Well actually they got help form the state health department, who are sending a Jon, Camp, Kemp, Kent, the film has terrible audio quality so it's hard to tell. Mrs. Elliot, their secretary with collar points the size of an omelette, has been interviewing the patients. Then Frank Sinatra walks in, well actually it's that Jon guy. Jon Kant? Crap, if anyone sees this and knows it, please let me know. Then to a doctor in his 60s green and white office, looking sour-faced because he doesn't have a smooth Camel cigarette for his T-Zone. This is Dr. Sam, who is examining Lynn, who is sic, like a rash breaking out that she tried to cover up with makeup, and it's not the three day measles. I have to admit, I do sorry for Lynn. She tries to look at everything so brightly, but just gets taken advantage of. Dr Sam has a nurse check her over (with a suggestive scene of her getting dressed again and saying "thanks a lot Edna"). Dr Sam says it could be a number of things, gives her a prescription for an allergy or something. But then the ominous orchestra section picks up again, and Dr Sam is trying to tell himself it's an allergic reaction. But then he had a, voice in his head(?) telling him it's syphilis, that he converses with. He's shocked that it's Lynn Corwin, but then goes to his small bookshelf to get information, while Mr. Narrator comes back: "As doctors are human, so there may be in their hearts the wish that some things just couldn't be. But as doctors are men of science, dedicated to the welfare of all their fellow beings (Tuskegee experiments, anyone?), that wish must give way to a review of the facts. And the facts leave no room for wishful thinking. (Unless they're "alternative facts" of course)" Dr Sam has seen latent untreated syphilis, minds and bodies destroyed, syphilitic babies, stuff that we do not see of course. Also, kind of creepy the way the narrator says the doctor thinks of Lynn as "one of HIS children."And he picks up a phone, makes an appointment, blah blah blah, can we get back to the lousy song?
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| McFuckface himself |
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| Jon Camp, on the job! |
Other doctors in Oakdale have been sending in teen patients to Jon Camp (yeah, it's Jon Camp), who now looks like Bob Crane for some reason. A stream of patients comes in to be interviewed, because they need to find everyone who might be infected, which, I can't think of anything. One girl has her father, who I'm dubbing "Fatass McFuckface", because frankly he's a prick. Fatass doesn't want to sit in the hall, calls her "no daughter of mine", the usual. Mr. Narrator goes on about how the parents are often more blind. If you're noticing there are less quotes and descriptions, it's because this film starts to get boring when you're looking it over. Camp, with his Will Magnus pipe, interviews parents too. Such as an old lady, who blames it on "that sex education they get in schools, if my boy hadn't known about such filthy things, he wouldn't have got curious. And he wouldn't be sick.(pause) I didn't want him to find out, not me nor his daddy told hm nothing. but some other busybodies did." Pretty sure she went on to join Focus on the Family. Then we see a sleazy balding guy, who I'm pretty sure is director Herk Harvey with a phallic cigar, who's saying he's surprised that his son "had the guts to do it. He's the biggest pantywaist I ever saw... I didn't think that kid of mine had it in him!" Father of the year. "Hey listen, I'm not gonna preach at him, it's the church's job to preach." And thus Jon Camp changed his name to Estus Pirkle and moved south. Then we see a couple, the husband in which looks like George Lincoln Rockwell with a widow's peak, who's just sitting there as his wife is is tears. "My husband and I, can both tell you it's not Junior's fault!" And another mother who says "it's all his fault! I just can't do a thing with him anymore!" Mother of the year. Then it's to the teens, such as a young Charles Whitman in a red shirt (I was kidding about that earlier, film!) Side note, one thing that sticks out to me is how the parents in the interviews aren't really the kind you picture when thinking of the media of the era, that clean-cut, everything-perfect WASP look. Anyway, young Whitman finds out that you can't get syphilis form a toilet seat but from sex with someone who has it. Narrator goes over this, about they don't want to talk but need to for responsibility, or something. And now a montage of teens saying who they've been sleeping with. "Her name's Betty." "Her name is Mary." "His name is Jack." "Her name is Susan. "Roberta." "Bob. "Joanne." Ted, Carol, Alice, Crosby Stills Nash and Young. Mr. Narrator continues about the chain of infection or something. "What makes Jon Camp's job more difficult and increases the danger to the community, is the fact that there is sometimes no name at all." As seen when one guy gets pissy, mentions some girl at a ballpark, no idea where she lives or such, "she was just a pickup." But Jon Camp gets it out of him, a blonde who is a foot taller than the guy.
